(Not) Worth the Effort
by Origami Stars
Summary: An insight to Eddy's life, before and after the events of Big Picture Show. The individual chapters have their own summaries that should be read for context and warnings. Trigger warnings: emotional and physical abuse, psychological trauma.
1. Believing

How Little Eddy realizes he needs to try harder to earn his brother's love. Trigger warning: emotional abuse.

I own nothing.

Eddy smiled proudly at the thing in his hands. After having saved up the money for weeks to buy the kit and then pouring hours of careful work into making it, he was finally finished! His Big Bro was going to love this! He hopped off of his chair at the desk in his room and ran to find his hero. He wasn't in the bathroom or the kitchen and Eddy knew that Bro's room was "off limits," so he stood in the kitchen, trying to think of where else his brother might be. Just then, he heard a car door slam, and he smiled, making a beeline to the front door.

"Big bro! Big bro! Wait!" Screen door slamming and bare feet slapping the concrete, little Eddy came running up to his brother as fast as his little legs could carry him. Bro turned from where he was about to get into a car with his friends and raised an eyebrow at the little boy.

"Whadya want, Squirt?"

"Look at what I made!" He held up his tiny hands, stretching on his tiptoes to try and give his brother a better view of what he had. "For you!"

His brother squinted at the thing. "What is that?"

"It's a plane model. I bought it at the store and made it for you! Do you like it?" he asked shyly. His friends chuckling, Bro smiled at Eddy and the boy was ecstatic.

"Sure, Squirt. Lemme put it somewhere safe."

Gently, Bro plucked the little model from Eddy's hands and set it on the ground. Eddy's happy face turned into one of confusion, then to horror and sadness as his beloved brother crushed his gift under his heel.

Tears brimming in his eyes, Eddy looked from the destroyed plane to his brother and then back to the plane.

"But… I made that for you…."

"The wings were crooked. Maybe this'll teach you not to waste my time on worthless garbage like that." He slammed the car door shut after climbing in and tore out of the driveway, leaving Eddy all alone. Tears dripped from Eddy's eyes as he looked at the mess all his hard work had become.

Maybe… maybe he _hadn't_ tried hard enough. Some of the parts of the plane _were_ crooked and the stickers had been a little off. Of course his brother didn't like it! Eddy had messed up! All his brother wanted from him was his best and Eddy wanted to give it. His Big Bro was just trying to help. Tiny hands clenched into fists and he picked up the broken pieces of the plane. Marching back into the house, he dumped them in the garbage can and made his way to his room. On the way there, he stopped at the entrance of his brother's room and said with all the steely determination a six-year-old could muster, "I _will_ try harder, Bro. I'm _going_ to give it my best, and then you'll be proud of me."


	2. Realizing

How Eddy realizes that unlike trust and respect, you shouldn't have to earn something that is supposed to be unconditional; if you have to earn someone's love, they probably aren't worth it. Trigger warning: emotional and physical abuse, psychological trauma.

I own nothing.

After the truth is revealed to the cul-de-sac, Eddy lies awake at night, remembering. He remembers how Bro's room was always off limits (he shivers at the thought of what happened the last time he had bothered Bro when he was busy in his room, a shaking hand unconsciously coming up to the arm that had been squeezed so tight that it had bruised, before he moves on).

He remembers how he wouldn't get any closer than three feet away from the car when his brother drove it. He didn't think it was nearly as funny as his brother thought it was when he would pretend (he hoped, he prayed) to try and run Eddy over.

He remembers the glares he would get if his brother caught him staring.

_A cold, calculating look, a snarled, "What are you looking at, you little brat, you wanna get smacked around again, huh? HUH? LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

He remembers how often his brother would fool him with fake love and attention.

_Bro is cheerful, he's smiling, Eddy thinks Bro is happy to see him and it makes him happy, too. "You wanna play a game?"_ _Eddy's eager, excited, of course he wants to play, he will always want to play with Big Bro!_

"_What game?_"_ Bro smiles, but he furrows his brow and shows all his teeth in a grin and that scares Eddy, but he doesn't know why._

"_Let's play Uncle."_ _Eddy finds himself cautious, wary of that grin on Bro's face._

"_I don't know how to play that game." _

"_Don't worry, I'll show you how."_ _Pain and cruel laughter that leaves Eddy with a sprained wrist and bruised arms and tears streaming down his face as his brother calls him weak for crying and threatening more pain if he tells their parents. _

Eddy remembers what Bro would tell him after the torture sessions called _Uncle_.

"_I'm only doing this because you need to toughen up. I'm only doing this so you can be strong without me."_ _Eddy doesn't know that what his brother was feeding him was the mind-crippling poison made from lies and not the bitter medicine of life's harshest truths. He took it because it was Big Bro and Big Bro wouldn't lie to him, Bro was just trying to help him. He tries so hard not to cry when he and Bro play, but every time, he fails. Each and every time, his brother is disgusted at his weakness. Each and every time he wishes he could be strong like Big Bro_

At the time, he didn't know why that grin scared him so much.

He knows why, now.

He remembers.

He remembers all the horrible little truths about his brother that he had shoved to the back of his mind and forgotten. He remembers all the pain and cruel words and the conditioning.

He remembers how much of a monster his brother truly is.

He remembers how desperately he wanted to be like his brother, how his brother's approval drove everything Eddy did, and how he would have done anything, ANYTHING for his brother to love him even a fraction of the amount Eddy loved HIM.

He remembers how his desperation nearly tore him and the friends he was too blind to see, apart.

He remembers how all those ugly little truths were finally uncovered and shoved out into the light for the whole world to see.

He remembers how mortified he was when that happened.

He remembers how broken he felt.

He remembers how surprised he was when his friends, the Kankers, and even the kids from the cul-de-sac, the ones who chased him on a cross-country trip with the goal to beat him to a bloody pulp, stood up for him and accepted him as one of their own.

But most of all, he remembers how he had finally, finally realized that his brother wasn't worth it, and he smiles.


End file.
